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Many women , for one reason or another, are single. Some are soloing by their own choice: others, by uncontrollable circumstances, some by divorce, and still others by widowhood. But they are all living out this time in their lives on their own and by themselves. One of the problems that plagues the single woman, is loneliness. All of us know about the chilling effects of loneliness. It's a cold, grey mist that filters in and around our hearts. You try turning up the heat or dressing warmer, but it isn't very effective in warding off the chill. It's a cold that seems to settle in the very marrow of our bones. Is there any way to protect ourselves or to insulate our walls so that we do not become rigid with, and frozen with, loneliness? What beauty is there in loneliness or in soloing? Beauty, in anyone's life, comes painted in a sunrise of colors and is called acceptance and contentment. Some of the most beautiful people in the world today, you may never have heard of. They've not written books, been on talk shows, nor are they household names. But they are beautiful and they are all soloing. I wouldn't want to walk in their shoes, live their lives, adjust to their traumatic experiences, go through their divorces, sustain their losses, or lose my husband, as some have. But there is a beauty in their lives that really shines. The glow from their contentment is simply breathtaking. All of us have a choice! We can moan and groan over our circumstances, analyze our emotions until we've left no stone unturned, or we can choose to accept the now of our lives, at this present moment. Thousands of women are soloing in our world today--the beautiful ones are the ones who have chosen to accept soloing. Acceptance followed by contentment are the flags that fly above them! Before we can adjust to life, as it is for us, we have to face it. Verbally or nonverbally we have to admit, "This is happening." For instance, one of the most positive steps our of the valley of bereavement comes when a widow says firmly to herself, "My husband is not coming home from the office or from a business trip. He will not hold me or his children in his arms anymore. I will not be able to hear his laugh or tease him about his funny way of sneezing. He is not here any more." By choosing to face up to this dreadful yet real fact, this woman can then go about adjusting her thinking, her attitudes, and her responses. She can begin to plan again. It's solo this time, and maybe that's brand-new to her after thirty-some years of marriage, but it's the way things are." She now has a choice. She can accept and adjust to learning the secret of being content, or she can withdraw from family, friends, and the world around her. She can even harbor bitterness until its odious festering eats away her inner soul. Parenting as a single parent, can be at its best an exciting challenge or at its worst can be ridiculously frustrating to overwhelmingly crushing. And while it's one thing to have a husband, it is quite another ball game to play the parenting game as a single. According to a recent Gallup Poll, the divorce rate has doubled in the last ten years. If this trend continues, a conservative prediction indicates that almost half of all marriages will end in divorce. As painful as that statistic is, the next one is worse: Two out of every five children born in the past ten years will live in single-parent homes. The hardest part of being a single parent is the helpless feeling of trying to be both mother and father to those children. All the responsibility now lands on your shoulders alone. So how do we as a single parent deal with these feelings? It goes right back to choices! Choose to linger in you sorrows and grief or choose to get up and begin to count each of your blessings. If need be, write those blessings down and look at them as often as you need too, until the sun begins to shine and you once again can say, I choose to accept this and will be content in whatever life brings my way! (excerpts from Joyce Landorf, Change Points) |
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