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Have you ever tried to help someone with a problem only to feel you didn’t know where to begin? Have you ever wondered why people who give most of themselves seem to lead the fullest lives ? Genuine, productive caring is nearly a lost art. Children, especially in this day and age, need someone to really care for them. When is comes to caring, each of us needs to find and use the right utensils to help without hurting ourselves or our children. Caring is a complex process; a knowledge of what does work is essential. The following tools of caring will enable you to develop a caring relationship with your children and others. 1. Listening - All caring is based upon communication; there is no tool more important then the ability to listen. Listening helps you know the other person. In fact, the process of listening alone seems to meet one of our children’s basic needs. Listening has a therapeutic power and reinforces feelings of self-worth and value. When you listen, listen not only for the facts but for the feelings as well. The greatest problem we have as parents in our listening skills is that we have learned to listen only for the purpose of giving a response. We listen only so we can talk. When your children come to you with a need for you to listen too, make it a priority. Turn off the TV. Throw away the newspaper or anything that distracts. And then listen with an open heart! 2. Understanding - Sometimes we think that listening and understanding is the same. That’s not true. You can’t have understanding without listening; but listening alone will not insure understanding. To understand is to see the world through the perspective of your child. To understand is to share the feelings and ideas held by them. To understand is to walk in the your child’s shoes or to sit in their place. 3. Persevering- It is not easy to learn. It is not easy to do…and keep on doing. If caring were easy, we would no doubt have more parents step forward to care. When you persevere, you stand bye; you go the second mile. Hurting children often engage in love testing. They want to see if your love will last over time. Do you really want to understand, or are you just going through the motions? 3. Encouraging - Just as we have too many talkers and not enough listeners, we also have too many criticizers and not enough encouragers. In encouraging your children you can lend a helping hand, lead the cheers for success, and pass the Kleenex after the failures. These are three important tools along with confrontation, comforting, problem solving , modeling, and the giving of space. So parents let’s practice sharpening our tools and remember that practice doesn’t make perfect, only better! Excerpts of Caring by Earl D. Wilson, Ph.D. |
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